Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
