oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
