just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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