I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
