Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
