She went from zero to smokin in five shots
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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