How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
