No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
