my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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