Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
