I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
