oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
