I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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