I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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