I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
