there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
