Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
