We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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