i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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