i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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