Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
