You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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