and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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