omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
