Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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