I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i barfeds in our rink
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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