Plan B is the new Plan A
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
