she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Green mimosas i think yes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
