while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
