If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
