Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
