If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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