Umm I'm too high to move.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
