I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
