I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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