Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
