Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
