i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
