I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
