walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
