my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
