He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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