sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
