I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
