Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
how does that bad decision feel?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
