The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize