She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize