are you so shy because you have an std?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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