You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
