I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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