Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
