I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
