Sponge bath it is.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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