Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
