too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
