so let's talk penis.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
