all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My life is pants optional.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
