i think my mom watched the whole time
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
