Sponge bath it is.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
