apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
