Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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