Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
